What is Precious?

Some will tell you it is a harrowing story of physical and sexual abuse, of un-sufferable cruelty and malicious parenting. However, my spin is that Precious is a movie about the resiliency of being human and the opportunity for hope to creep into those tortured places of our spirit and dare to take root. I feel the need to remind folks that abuse (especially sexual abuse) is rooted in power and control aka oppression. The sex act is the form of oppression. Yes, it’s uncomfortable to witness imagery of incest and rape and yes that imagery may resonate with our own feelings of vulnerability and helplessness. No one wants to feel like their life is out of their control. Few want to be reminded that others live in worlds where very little of their daily life is happy or hopeful. It ain’t a feel good movie dammit. Some folks I know got caught up in the incest and the imagery that is conjured up in flashback scenes in the movie. Some white folks I know say they were traumatized by the film due to their own issues and discouraged others from seeing it. For me this response speaks volumes of racial and social nuances that alienate them from the overarching theme of the movie. The family history of abuse is what happened to the character Precious in her journey to be whole. Correction, the abuse is one of the things that happened to this character- she did have some other experiences too. She learned to read and write. She learned to speak her truth even when others did not want to hear it. Even when the consequences for speaking her truth alienated her from everything she knew, this character dared to cling to hope despite the gritty reality of her circumstances. It ain’t a feel good movie. Yet, this character learned that “straight up lesbians” are real people with intelligent conversation in spite of what her mother said about “the homos”. To my white sisters and brothers that were paralyzed by the sexual oppression in the story, your failure to witness depravity and recognize Black folks ability to rise above despair means that you can never truly appreciate Langston Hughes’ truth when he wrote “life for me ain’t been no crystal stair…and sometimes going in the dark where there ain’t been no light”. This movie says to me that the human spirit can endure such atrocities, a personal holocaust if you will, but you take a person’s ability to breathe when you deny them the space to dream about a different reality. If you want to a feel good movie, see the Blindside with Sandra Bullock. And if you can bare to witness beauty even when it’s not pretty, watch Precious and then talk to someone about it. You know my porch.

Sexting and the Perils of Virtual Communication

In the Spike Lee movie Do the Right Thing, there was a character (DJ “Mr. Senor Love Daddy”) holding a ringing alarm clock towards the radio microphone and screaming “WAAAAKE UP”. Well, good people, it’s time to ring that alarm and move into action because our youth are rapidly falling into the ubiquitous vat of virtual communication and risking their present and future lives due to poor decision-making and raging hormones. If you are not familiar with sexting, you’re already behind the eight ball. Basically, “sexting” is any type of sexual communication sent via technology- via cell phone, computers (i.e. MySpace or other social networking sites), digital cameras and certain video game systems (yes, if it has capability to play online and share data). This can be photos of young males showing their elusive “six pack” (just like Lil Wayne and 50 Cent) and young females clothed in a bra or a bra and panties or other undergarments (just like Beyonce, Miley Cyrus, and Rihanna). Except when youth pose that are not performing artists and send the photos they are at risk of criminal charges such as child pornography and other sexual offenses. Even when they took the picture of their own body. And youth do not get the seriousness of it. For them, it is nothing to go into the bathroom and take a photo and send it to their “friends” or place it on their MySpace page. Sexting can even be a virtual conversation (such as IMing on Yahoo or MySpace- instant messaging) where youth “talk” about “hooking up, smashing it, getting together” and all the other terms I haven’t deciphered from my son’s MySpace page. Oh, and you should know that in Metro Nashville if a student sends a text/email/picture to another student of a sexual nature (i.e. “kiss me right here” or “you know you want it”) even if it happens during out of school time, that student can receive a consequence such as suspension or expulsion depending on the administration. Only in the past two years, have educators, parents and the criminal courts begun to explore the perils of virtual communication and that’s because more youth are receiving severe charges because presently “sexting” does not exist in the state or federal code so it goes under sexual offense charges which could include registry on a sex offender list. Just in case you still think that this is just “kids play”, if your child ends up on a sex offender registry it will negatively impact their ability to attend college and to obtain employment and where they can live. This includes your home if you have younger children and/or live in a neighborhood with children. Yes, technology is great but unsupervised TEENS and TWEENS risk jeopardizing their present options and future opportunities because parents want them to be independent. It’s not like the good ole days when you passed a note and asked someone if they wanted to kiss you, check yes/no/maybe. We live in a hyper-sexual society that exposes young people to so many stimuli that their under-developed brains cannot process smartly without adult guidance. Heck, we’ve got some grown up politicians and professional athletes that haven’t exercised good decision-making related to the use of technology. So, what do we do about it? TALK. Talk to your youth, talk to their friends. Ask youth if they have ever received pictures/images/videos of males or females with little to no clothes. Then ask them if they have ever sent one of themselves or forwarded a picture to someone else. Learn what constitutes criminal charges and be explicit when talking to youth and other parents. Tell grandparents not to hand over their cell phones to their precious “grands” without some ground rules because anything sent from their cell phones could implicate them. Visit sexlaws.org and National Center for Missing and Exploited Children ((http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/NewsEventServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=4131) to learn more. Google the topic, talk to your neighbors, talk to co-workers. Even if you are not a parent, if you are a big brother or big sister (biological and/or volunteer) ask the young people you know. Start the conversation with making choices about safety- we want all of our young people to make safe choices and that covers driving and texting, drinking and driving, personal and intimate relationships, and sexting. Then check their cell phones and their MySpace pages. When they were 2 years old, you didn’t wait for them to insert the fork into the outlet or to touch the hot stove, you did some preventative work. And again when they were 7 or 8 and you allowed them to play outside, you stuck your head outside and checked on them periodically right? Well, our job ain’t over yet. Yep, our TEENS and TWEENS still need supervision- you can be their BFF (best friend forever) after they become adults.