Last week, I facilitated training for juvenile court probation officers. I heard too many stories about parents that were abdicating their parenting responsibilities in general. The group was from across the state of Tennessee. Represented in the room were staff from urban cities with tremendous resources (i.e. Memphis,Chattanooga, and Nashville) as well as rural towns with sparse resources (i.e. Johnson City and Bristol, near the North Carolina border) and even smaller communities between these areas. The diverse group of probation officers (P.O.’s) had clientele that included dual parent households, families with enough resources and several families with tremendous resources as well as connections, single working parent households, families that lived on social security benefits and some parents that lived on Aid to Families with Dependent Children. Guess what? All of the youth and their parents were not African American and living on so-called “welfare”. It was a really good mixture of race and economics when the P.O.’s told their stories.
I was reminded that it has become increasingly easy to dismiss a lack of parenting on race and money issues; when really the issue is about a lack of parenting commitment- motivation, desire, and emotional resources, whatever. Parenting is a full time job with few immediate benefits and a long term investment that you must wait to see how it pays off. Sure you can cheat, just like anything else in life, you may get ahead but somewhere along the way you end up cheating yourself and your child. Example, one parent said that her ex-husband gave their 15 year old son alcohol during his weekend visitation. Mother stated that her parents gave her alcohol as a minor and it didn’t hurt anything. Oh, let me add that the ex-husband has a suspended license for two D.U.I.’s. When I asked the P.O. if mother mentioned this to the court, she stated that this mother didn’t want to interfere with the “father-son” bond. Of course, the P.O. informed the court. Another parent justified her daughter punching another student in the face in response to “name-calling” because “ she has to defend herself”. I promise I am not making this stuff up. Could this be why some of our youth are struggling with poor decision-making? What happened to parents reinforcing basic societal norms of right and wrong even when you have some questions about what fair looks like? I know the concept of “norms” is relative to who you are and where you are from. I believe that we have more in common than what we define as differences when it comes to race and economics. I’ve met a lot of parents through my work and not a single one of them would disagree with wanting their child to be a productive citizen that can sustain their own household and family.
An example of natural consequences or proactive parenting shared at this training was how a single mother consequenced her 17 year old son for truancy. He would drive to school every day but he spent the majority of his time in the school parking lot playing his music very loudly. It wasn’t practical to take his car because mother worked in another county 45 miles away which required that she leave before he left for school and their closest neighbor did not have a car. So, mother had a friend remove his stereo and his speakers while her son was in school. Of course, when the son came out of school, he immediately reported a theft. Mother had already informed local police of what she was doing. She told her son that he could earn back his stereo equipment with attendance and passing grades. Oh, he bought the stereo equipment with money he earned. I love creative parenting! Long story short, we have to recommit to parenting and using every bit of our resources so that all of our youth have an opportunity to transition into adulthood so that they can complain about the crappy ways their parents consequenced them.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
An Open Letter to Tyler Perry
Dear Mr. Perry:
Thank you for your willingness to provide images of African Americans in our diversity and humor. Laughter is good, we forget that at times. Your contribution to film over the past 7-9 years has expanded America’s reality of who we are and provided so much needed relief during chaotic times. Your creative financing has provided many artists with an avenue for producing their craft in non-traditional avenues. The business of filmmaking by/for/about African Americans has your blueprint as a model for mass marketing. Thank you for charting that territory. In the era of social networking and the immediacy of pop culture, this is historic.
May I be as bold as to attempt to explain why there is great angst from many of my sistahs upon learning that you have required the film rights to Ntozake Shange’s choreopoem “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf”? My mother, a griot and arts educator, is really, well, challenged would be an understatement but really struggling with the very idea of “our choreopoem” being co-opted by ANYONE, let alone a pop culture icon such as yourself. No disrespect meant. It’s probably a generational and feminist thing too. See, when Zake gave us “For Colored Girls…” in 1975, she unleashed 7 spirits on stage that reflected the multiplicity of our identity. What happened on stage every night was intense and it was … colon cleansing. I know that image ain’t sexy but the revolution ain’t sexy and the challenges of our vey colored, very female collective lives is a tonic sometimes made for soothing and other times made for stripping and flushing away all that ills us.
“For Colored Girls…” is very much a female thing, it is how we speak unedited truths about who we are and how we got to be and most times that reality does not fit into a Hollywood tale. And as talented as you are, please know that when adapting our words, you too are an outsider listening in on sacred moments. Besides, when we speak truth to ourselves, we don’t need a translator. I think part of the fear is directly connected to one more thing that African American women may have to explain what was meant when “such and such” was said. We saw the made for television version in 1982. We were glad that many lesser known African American actresses and actors were employed and we were equally tepid about America’s perception of us bare. I mean the silence that follows several lines during the choreopoem on stage is impregnable and we’re kind of wondering how you in your maleness can give birth to that kind of silence in film?
I want you to understand that there are several generations of “colored girls” that learned how to verbally channel their energy through countless renditions of FOR REAL GROWN A** COLORED WOMEN executing monologues from “For Colored Girls…”. At 13, it was my Vagina Monologues. Celebrating all of me and mine that would inform, highlight and oftentimes mirror my journey to womanhood. Not to mention, I mastered the rhythm and cadence of delivering a salty word or two.
Remember, we are the rainbow and sometimes Hollywood only sees the pot of gold at the end of it.
Your slighlty older sistah,
Deniece
Thank you for your willingness to provide images of African Americans in our diversity and humor. Laughter is good, we forget that at times. Your contribution to film over the past 7-9 years has expanded America’s reality of who we are and provided so much needed relief during chaotic times. Your creative financing has provided many artists with an avenue for producing their craft in non-traditional avenues. The business of filmmaking by/for/about African Americans has your blueprint as a model for mass marketing. Thank you for charting that territory. In the era of social networking and the immediacy of pop culture, this is historic.
May I be as bold as to attempt to explain why there is great angst from many of my sistahs upon learning that you have required the film rights to Ntozake Shange’s choreopoem “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf”? My mother, a griot and arts educator, is really, well, challenged would be an understatement but really struggling with the very idea of “our choreopoem” being co-opted by ANYONE, let alone a pop culture icon such as yourself. No disrespect meant. It’s probably a generational and feminist thing too. See, when Zake gave us “For Colored Girls…” in 1975, she unleashed 7 spirits on stage that reflected the multiplicity of our identity. What happened on stage every night was intense and it was … colon cleansing. I know that image ain’t sexy but the revolution ain’t sexy and the challenges of our vey colored, very female collective lives is a tonic sometimes made for soothing and other times made for stripping and flushing away all that ills us.
“For Colored Girls…” is very much a female thing, it is how we speak unedited truths about who we are and how we got to be and most times that reality does not fit into a Hollywood tale. And as talented as you are, please know that when adapting our words, you too are an outsider listening in on sacred moments. Besides, when we speak truth to ourselves, we don’t need a translator. I think part of the fear is directly connected to one more thing that African American women may have to explain what was meant when “such and such” was said. We saw the made for television version in 1982. We were glad that many lesser known African American actresses and actors were employed and we were equally tepid about America’s perception of us bare. I mean the silence that follows several lines during the choreopoem on stage is impregnable and we’re kind of wondering how you in your maleness can give birth to that kind of silence in film?
I want you to understand that there are several generations of “colored girls” that learned how to verbally channel their energy through countless renditions of FOR REAL GROWN A** COLORED WOMEN executing monologues from “For Colored Girls…”. At 13, it was my Vagina Monologues. Celebrating all of me and mine that would inform, highlight and oftentimes mirror my journey to womanhood. Not to mention, I mastered the rhythm and cadence of delivering a salty word or two.
Remember, we are the rainbow and sometimes Hollywood only sees the pot of gold at the end of it.
Your slighlty older sistah,
Deniece
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