McFerrin Park Has Always Been Home

Communities are often defined by geographical boundaries and socioeconomic factors such as education and profession. In re-gentrifiying communities such as McFerrin Park certain folks tend to highlight the distinction between “the haves and the have nots”. Leading one to believe that there is no history and or relevance of the community neighborhood that is not shaped by White DINKs (dual income, no kids) and real estate investors. However, if you take a closer look (and listen) to the experiences of the diverse residents in McFerrin Park you will learn about real people with histories, some distinct and others quite familiar. Before there was an interest in Saving the Roxy Theater, there were Black parents that walked their children to and from the neighborhood schools. There were Black male coaches with booming voices directing young boys in the fundamentals of football. There were children inundating McFerrin Park Community Center for pro-social activities and outings. Working parents picked up infants from the child care center at Salvation Army’s Magness Potter Center while teens crowded the same building for leadership opportunities and help with homework and senior citizens gathered in a safe space. There were immigrant and refugee families learning new cultural norms while preserving their own. There were foster parents and halfway homes that provided some type of permanence for those in need. And always, there have been grandparents and elders on front porches with a knowing eye for “who belongs around here” and “who is here to cause trouble”. McFerrin Park is a community neighborhood of working, non-working and retired people, native born and transplants from other cities, artists and stay at home parents, social workers and entrepreneurs. It is a community neighborhood whose residents are inclusive and cautious and hopeful. Hopeful that as the property values increase, the real value of McFerrin Park will remain in its racially and economically diverse people and their willingness to appreciate that all of us do not share the same story but all of our stories are worth telling and documenting. McFerrin Park has always been home.

Ear Hustling on Race and Class

Allow me to set the stage. Neighborhood coffee spot, laptops and Ipads open and casual banter about what's keeping us busy (us: Stan, African American man and yours truly), updates on Manchild (his and mine) and then on to our business of serving and saving our African American community which included generational experiences of extended family, the role of Black men in parenting their children especially males when they are not in the same household with their mothers and as my brother Stan says being unapologetic about all of it. Cue Travis (White American man) sitting beside us and ear hustling. Later, we would learn that he was studying for the bar. Travis took advantage of a pause and asked if he could ask us a question.  I noticed that he did not wait for an affirmative response before posing the question- first observation. Or maybe he did receive an affirmative nod from Stan. Either way, I immediately started smiling and holding my hands. I did not want to discuss the Zimmerman verdict, period. In fact, I've avoided that conversation in several arenas this week. Trust and believe, I have my reasons.

His question was related to if we would attribute the differences in the African American community to a generational shift. Travis politely explained that he wasn't listening to our conversation and proceeded to refer to specific examples of generational experiences that both Stan and I discussed- second observation.  Let me say that I was so grateful that this was an experience I shared with Stan. Though Travis eventually got around to asking the Trayvon Martin question ("Do you think that Trayvon attacked Zimmerman?")  and a President Obama  question (third observation),  I welcomed the conversation that ensued from Travis' ear hustling. It provided an often avoided opportunity to discuss race and class across gender, race, and class bodies. I'm not making assumptions about Travis here- he shared that he went to school in Virginia and Nashville and is currently studying for the bar. He offered Charles Murray's Coming Apart for insights into White class beliefs. I also noticed that Travis was limited in what information he offered unless he was solicited. I inquired about the type of law he was pursuing, he shared tax law to start and offered a great self-diffusing comment about tax law killing cocktail conversations. The three of us continued on about race, class, and systems and legal gun ownership.  It was a conversation.

I won't wax poetic. I will say that I hope to meet more White folks that are willing to engage in an open conversation where my (and Stan's) differences are not threatening and we can see each other clearly. As Stan informed Travis, " I don't want you to be colorblind. This (pointing to his skin) is who I am."

Travis, if you read this, keep ear hustling and engaging folks that don't look like you and yours in conversation. I'd actually appreciate some honesty about the ear hustling, as in, "Excuse me, I was listening to your conversation and found some things you said interesting and in my circle I don't get the chance to talk with African American people."  Just don't be offended if they don't invite you in. Sometimes when a Standupbrothah and a Standupsistah are engrossed in a conversation in a public space, you may not be included. Unapologetically. 

Sister Harriet and the ITP/RFP

While dreaming of sister Harriet down by the intersection of estuaries and next steps, I dared to crossover. Now, I must forewarn, that I'm on a healing journey and craving the whispering bricks of the ocean water so you may need a glass of wine to read this post. In the nonprofit world, opportunities to engage in programming are oftentimes managed by an ITP/RFP process- Invitation to Participation or Request for Proposal. The company or organization (read "funder") sends out an electronic solicitation with the specs-objectives or goals, population to be served, time frame, preferred strategies and anything else that would help you qualify for or weed yourself out of the process. Sometimes, it is just a formality because the company or organization already knows exactly whom they want to hire but the process must still be followed to appear equitable. Those of us in the slightly more seasoned category can read an ITP/RFP and detect what organization(s) the funder has in mind. Anyway, this is about the process and my dream with sister Harriet, down by the intersection of estuaries and next steps. As sister Harriet and I were making our way North, I asked how her current ITP was still open. Surely, there were millions of qualified service providers to help folks on their way. She shook her head and painstakingly explained to me that her search wasn't for service providers but for free people that wanted to share the journey. Slightly perplexed, I foolishly said "well, the history books stated you led people to freedom." Sister Harriet shook her head again and increased her gait, while very deliberately stating " Free people cannot be led by anything outside of themselves. I've walked this path countless times because this is my journey. I invite people to participate all day, every day. This is how I move in the world. Now, are you crossing over or just blocking the light?". So, I crossed over and started dreaming about my own ITP process. Hope Sister Harriet visits again.

Silence, Not So Much

It's been a while since I've sat and wrote. Been neglecting this blog and myself in various forms. I find myself in yet another space of personal transition which I embrace. I have been spending more time on the front porch, blackberry wine or whatever is in the frig. So eager to talk about next steps, next phase of my life that I recognized that I'm trying to skip right pass where I am today. In this moment. Feeling deserving and good enough and prepared. Committed to living the work that my dreams require. It really is that simple. I believe I am beginning to understand what my elders meant by "standing in your light". How frequently have I repeated those words to urge others onward to their greatness. I'm sitting here on the porch with the street lamp on, my laptop battery low, cell phone off and cackling as I type my truth. Decided today that I'll write when I have some words and not just all of the words. I'll write because however it comes to me is how it comes to me. Stop worrying about somebody else's format. Just write cuz silence, not so much. Feeling unapologetically me tonight. Cheers, standupsistah

Education Reform: Whose Job Is It Anyway?

This summer Oasis Youth Mobilizers (high school student citizens) participated in an academic intensive centered on the pop culture book series The Hunger Games. We were funded to compile data on school discipline practices and policies within the school district. However, too many of our Youth Mobilizers (YM) lacked the basic research skills (i.e. critical thinking, comprehension, comparison etc.) needed to delve into data collection and independent research assignments. We needed a “hook” to engage them in the process and we also felt compelled to address something that our students were concerned about- low ACT scores. On the lower end of our expectations, we believed we could help them read a single book during the summer and learn how to research public information about local schools. One the higher end of our expectations, we hoped we could teach information integration processing and expose them to some new vocabulary words. We did both and students exceeded our expectations. YM were given a copy of the first book in the series. Most of them had heard of the book but had not read it (though it was on the previous summer’s suggested reading list) and none of them had seen the movie. They were told that they would read the book each day over four weeks and draw a comparison from the book to students surviving in low performing schools. Each “district” in the book represented a “school” with specific assets and deficits. YM were also assigned two Metropolitan Nashville Public Schools for which they were responsible for researching suspension rates, the number of AP/Honors/Dual Enrollment subjects taught, scores from End of Course exams, ACT scores, GPA, attendance rates, graduation rates, mobility rates (frequency of changing schools), and the percentages of D’s and F’s. The initial plan allowed for two weeks of data collection after the students read the book in four weeks. On the first assigned reading day, Youth Mobilizers decided that they wanted to take turns and read the book aloud as opposed to reading independently. They created a vocabulary wall to post words that were unfamiliar and randomly assigned each other to look up definitions. When it was time to break for lunch, they actually voted for a shorter lunch break. They were readily identifying school and societal references without prompting and when the day was over, students were asking to take the book home to continue reading. Needless to say, the students finished reading the entire book within two weeks. This gave them more time to process what they read and compare it to their assigned research schools. It was not a huge stretch for students to assess how certain schools have an abundance of resources and high expectations for student performance and how some schools focus primarily on managing behavior. Oasis staff are not teachers AND we can encourage and influence students to assume responsibility for their education while assessing the roles of key players within and outside of their school system. Who said education reform is not our business?

Pearl Cohn Unitown: Deconstructing the Myth of Black Kids at a Black School

Allow me to set the scene for you. It’s a charter bus of 35 African American students from a North Nashville neighborhood school headed towards White Bluff, Tennessee for a weekend leadership retreat. Yes, White Bluff. Enough said? Also, on this bus are two female school staff (one African American, one Caucasian), one Oasis Center male staff (African American), and two Tennessee State University college mentors (both African American males). Oh, and the bus driver is an African American female. Upon arriving at the camp site an hour late, the charter bus is greeted by 15 screaming camp counselors (both high school and college students, both African American and Caucasian ) that are pumped about their engaging curriculum and the opportunity to connect with new people. Oh, forgot to mention that the bus driver was lost and when the students asked if she needed directions, she gave much attitude and threatened to put them off the bus.

Cancel all of that hoopla and hype because the “Black kids from the Black school” were not having any of it. They were ready to go home before they even got off the bus. Being greeted with happy cheers of “welcome and we’re so glad that you’re here, and you are the ones we’ve been waiting for” fell on deaf ears and stone cold hearts. Too much undefined happiness, must be a set up. End Scene.

Fast forward to the gym where Adventure Works staff were waiting with additional cheers and quirky challenge ropes courses, and you know it, might as well fade to black, literally. Attitudes began to morph. Students started speaking up that this wasn’t what they had signed up for. Strange folks telling them what do and why they couldn’t stay in the cabin with their girlfriend/boyfriend. One male student said his girlfriend brought him so they could get away and not be bothered. Hold up, wait a minute. Camera one zoom in, you mean this is not a couple’s retreat? Hold it. End Scene.

Fast forward to activities after dinner, and conversations about contraband and who would not be sleeping with whom. Second plot begins to unfold. This camp was different. Students were leading the activities and adults were apologizing for rushing and not doing introductions. You mean you want to know what I think about what you just said and you’re not going to get an attitude when I say that I don’t want to be here? In fact, you offer to take me home but ask that I tell you what you could do differently to make me feel comfortable with all of this leadership stuff? And you’re not going to tell the principal that I had an attitude with you? Well, maybe I don’t really want to go home. Maybe I can wait til the morning to see what all of this is really about. And you really won’t be mad if I want to go home in the morning? Hmm, pause. Wait for it. Camera two pan the crowd to see who’s buying this crap. Oh, my friends are going stay. Well, why we gotta play these games? Oh, you want me to figure out what we can do to get to know one another? Well, I don’t mind playing the games but this is not my idea of leadership. End Scene.

Students to the cabins. Adult staff patrol the camp site. All. Night. Long. Yes, all night long. Cue rest of the weekend. Fun and empowerment was had by all.

Intersectionality or All of This Right Here

Maybe it's the end of the year blues or the climate change but I'm feeling very "now you see me, now you don't" these days. My mind and spirit are taking hits more frequently as I work to be whole and seen for all of my complex selves. I can no longer ignore or make excuses when folks attempt to erase some aspect of my identity in conversation or practice. I am so over whitefolks insisting that I'm angry when actually my feelings are hurt or I'm bored with the conversation, coloredfolks assuming I'm post-racial because I work for a white-led agency and therefore less committed, queerfolks demanding that I show up and show out for any cause, and nonvotingfolks accusing me of selling out because I removed my child from the local public school system. Damn, how many masters can one sistah serve? The last time I checked (and I check often), not one of you so called revolutionaries nursed me through a migraine or called to make me laugh or offered to go on 3 mile walk. I ask myself why do I keep fooling with you? You don't feed or sustain me. You don't inspire me to write.  Some of you don't even believe in the healing properties of dark chocolate. So, we decided it was time. Me, myself, and I are calling a moratorium on you. There, I said it outloud or wrote it down. I am giving myself permission to place ME on the priority list or Angel tree or whatever calls attention to the most at-risk and marginalized at this time of the year. I am most at-risk of losing my sanity while worrying about your acceptance and denying my complex desire to be whole. I'm running back to the center of my collective selves from your super-imposed margins and I will not be sorry for leaving you wherever you are on your journey. This is my crossroad and I choose the ones that lead to me. Blackberry wine at 6pm.

Youth Violence: One Way Street?

Recent local articles about youth violence (specifically homicides of Black youth by other Black youth) lead one to believe that these crimes are only impacting high poverty areas and usually are related to some gang violence. Current reporting in the Tennessean and the City Paper readily mentions the location of the crime, the past criminal history of the youth that has been charged as an adult, and alludes to an increase in youth violence citywide. What’s absent in the reporting are some key factors that contribute to Black youth killing other Black youth. Curious that no reporting has asked WHERE are Black youth obtaining the weapons they are using in these violent acts. We know for certain that Black youth are not purchasing them at the local gun shows. Equally as curious is the hinting of racial division at neighborhood levels which also presents in the disparity of infant mortality, overall health outcomes, and academic achievement gaps. The failure to mention these factors as well as the influences of the culture of poverty skews community perception about the community’s ability to change the outcomes, i.e. contributes more to feelings of hopelessness and apathy. When people in communities feel hopeless and apathetic, there is very little action to solve issues. And isn’t it also curious that journalists are omitting that the influences of the culture of poverty mimic gang culture? Specifically, that “on the street” groups of young Black males are shaped by that group’s dynamics and when the group dynamics incorporate violent acts as acceptable behavior then the norms for developing males (ages 11-16) are largely established. Are we ready to ask who is “on the streets” and why are they there? Maybe not, that might lead to a conversation about the ineffectiveness of offender re-entry programs that are not connected to the workforce. What about asking how and when are Black youth with “at-risk behaviors” engaged in the solutions to change their violent behavior? May not be ready to ask that question either for fear that it leads to a conversation about preventions and interventions that are designed for urban (read Black) youth that are not predicated on self-determination and the strengths of the youth’s community. In 2005, Jacksonville Community Council Inc. (www.jcci.org) published a baseline report card on race relations to measure and hold the community accountable for eliminating race-based disparities (http://www.jcci.org/jcciwebsite/documents/09%20Race%20Relations%20Progress%20Report.pdf). There cannot be a reduction of Black youth violence without a holistic, systemic mindset to develop multiple approaches that include Black youth beyond the role of service recipient. Black youth violence is not occurring within a vacuum, maybe a pipeline.

What is Precious?

Some will tell you it is a harrowing story of physical and sexual abuse, of un-sufferable cruelty and malicious parenting. However, my spin is that Precious is a movie about the resiliency of being human and the opportunity for hope to creep into those tortured places of our spirit and dare to take root. I feel the need to remind folks that abuse (especially sexual abuse) is rooted in power and control aka oppression. The sex act is the form of oppression. Yes, it’s uncomfortable to witness imagery of incest and rape and yes that imagery may resonate with our own feelings of vulnerability and helplessness. No one wants to feel like their life is out of their control. Few want to be reminded that others live in worlds where very little of their daily life is happy or hopeful. It ain’t a feel good movie dammit. Some folks I know got caught up in the incest and the imagery that is conjured up in flashback scenes in the movie. Some white folks I know say they were traumatized by the film due to their own issues and discouraged others from seeing it. For me this response speaks volumes of racial and social nuances that alienate them from the overarching theme of the movie. The family history of abuse is what happened to the character Precious in her journey to be whole. Correction, the abuse is one of the things that happened to this character- she did have some other experiences too. She learned to read and write. She learned to speak her truth even when others did not want to hear it. Even when the consequences for speaking her truth alienated her from everything she knew, this character dared to cling to hope despite the gritty reality of her circumstances. It ain’t a feel good movie. Yet, this character learned that “straight up lesbians” are real people with intelligent conversation in spite of what her mother said about “the homos”. To my white sisters and brothers that were paralyzed by the sexual oppression in the story, your failure to witness depravity and recognize Black folks ability to rise above despair means that you can never truly appreciate Langston Hughes’ truth when he wrote “life for me ain’t been no crystal stair…and sometimes going in the dark where there ain’t been no light”. This movie says to me that the human spirit can endure such atrocities, a personal holocaust if you will, but you take a person’s ability to breathe when you deny them the space to dream about a different reality. If you want to a feel good movie, see the Blindside with Sandra Bullock. And if you can bare to witness beauty even when it’s not pretty, watch Precious and then talk to someone about it. You know my porch.

Sexting and the Perils of Virtual Communication

In the Spike Lee movie Do the Right Thing, there was a character (DJ “Mr. Senor Love Daddy”) holding a ringing alarm clock towards the radio microphone and screaming “WAAAAKE UP”. Well, good people, it’s time to ring that alarm and move into action because our youth are rapidly falling into the ubiquitous vat of virtual communication and risking their present and future lives due to poor decision-making and raging hormones. If you are not familiar with sexting, you’re already behind the eight ball. Basically, “sexting” is any type of sexual communication sent via technology- via cell phone, computers (i.e. MySpace or other social networking sites), digital cameras and certain video game systems (yes, if it has capability to play online and share data). This can be photos of young males showing their elusive “six pack” (just like Lil Wayne and 50 Cent) and young females clothed in a bra or a bra and panties or other undergarments (just like Beyonce, Miley Cyrus, and Rihanna). Except when youth pose that are not performing artists and send the photos they are at risk of criminal charges such as child pornography and other sexual offenses. Even when they took the picture of their own body. And youth do not get the seriousness of it. For them, it is nothing to go into the bathroom and take a photo and send it to their “friends” or place it on their MySpace page. Sexting can even be a virtual conversation (such as IMing on Yahoo or MySpace- instant messaging) where youth “talk” about “hooking up, smashing it, getting together” and all the other terms I haven’t deciphered from my son’s MySpace page. Oh, and you should know that in Metro Nashville if a student sends a text/email/picture to another student of a sexual nature (i.e. “kiss me right here” or “you know you want it”) even if it happens during out of school time, that student can receive a consequence such as suspension or expulsion depending on the administration. Only in the past two years, have educators, parents and the criminal courts begun to explore the perils of virtual communication and that’s because more youth are receiving severe charges because presently “sexting” does not exist in the state or federal code so it goes under sexual offense charges which could include registry on a sex offender list. Just in case you still think that this is just “kids play”, if your child ends up on a sex offender registry it will negatively impact their ability to attend college and to obtain employment and where they can live. This includes your home if you have younger children and/or live in a neighborhood with children. Yes, technology is great but unsupervised TEENS and TWEENS risk jeopardizing their present options and future opportunities because parents want them to be independent. It’s not like the good ole days when you passed a note and asked someone if they wanted to kiss you, check yes/no/maybe. We live in a hyper-sexual society that exposes young people to so many stimuli that their under-developed brains cannot process smartly without adult guidance. Heck, we’ve got some grown up politicians and professional athletes that haven’t exercised good decision-making related to the use of technology. So, what do we do about it? TALK. Talk to your youth, talk to their friends. Ask youth if they have ever received pictures/images/videos of males or females with little to no clothes. Then ask them if they have ever sent one of themselves or forwarded a picture to someone else. Learn what constitutes criminal charges and be explicit when talking to youth and other parents. Tell grandparents not to hand over their cell phones to their precious “grands” without some ground rules because anything sent from their cell phones could implicate them. Visit sexlaws.org and National Center for Missing and Exploited Children ((http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/NewsEventServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=4131) to learn more. Google the topic, talk to your neighbors, talk to co-workers. Even if you are not a parent, if you are a big brother or big sister (biological and/or volunteer) ask the young people you know. Start the conversation with making choices about safety- we want all of our young people to make safe choices and that covers driving and texting, drinking and driving, personal and intimate relationships, and sexting. Then check their cell phones and their MySpace pages. When they were 2 years old, you didn’t wait for them to insert the fork into the outlet or to touch the hot stove, you did some preventative work. And again when they were 7 or 8 and you allowed them to play outside, you stuck your head outside and checked on them periodically right? Well, our job ain’t over yet. Yep, our TEENS and TWEENS still need supervision- you can be their BFF (best friend forever) after they become adults.

Parenting: Money and Race Ain't Every Factor

Last week, I facilitated training for juvenile court probation officers. I heard too many stories about parents that were abdicating their parenting responsibilities in general. The group was from across the state of Tennessee. Represented in the room were staff from urban cities with tremendous resources (i.e. Memphis,Chattanooga, and Nashville) as well as rural towns with sparse resources (i.e. Johnson City and Bristol, near the North Carolina border) and even smaller communities between these areas. The diverse group of probation officers (P.O.’s) had clientele that included dual parent households, families with enough resources and several families with tremendous resources as well as connections, single working parent households, families that lived on social security benefits and some parents that lived on Aid to Families with Dependent Children. Guess what? All of the youth and their parents were not African American and living on so-called “welfare”. It was a really good mixture of race and economics when the P.O.’s told their stories.
I was reminded that it has become increasingly easy to dismiss a lack of parenting on race and money issues; when really the issue is about a lack of parenting commitment- motivation, desire, and emotional resources, whatever. Parenting is a full time job with few immediate benefits and a long term investment that you must wait to see how it pays off. Sure you can cheat, just like anything else in life, you may get ahead but somewhere along the way you end up cheating yourself and your child. Example, one parent said that her ex-husband gave their 15 year old son alcohol during his weekend visitation. Mother stated that her parents gave her alcohol as a minor and it didn’t hurt anything. Oh, let me add that the ex-husband has a suspended license for two D.U.I.’s. When I asked the P.O. if mother mentioned this to the court, she stated that this mother didn’t want to interfere with the “father-son” bond. Of course, the P.O. informed the court. Another parent justified her daughter punching another student in the face in response to “name-calling” because “ she has to defend herself”. I promise I am not making this stuff up. Could this be why some of our youth are struggling with poor decision-making? What happened to parents reinforcing basic societal norms of right and wrong even when you have some questions about what fair looks like? I know the concept of “norms” is relative to who you are and where you are from. I believe that we have more in common than what we define as differences when it comes to race and economics. I’ve met a lot of parents through my work and not a single one of them would disagree with wanting their child to be a productive citizen that can sustain their own household and family.
An example of natural consequences or proactive parenting shared at this training was how a single mother consequenced her 17 year old son for truancy. He would drive to school every day but he spent the majority of his time in the school parking lot playing his music very loudly. It wasn’t practical to take his car because mother worked in another county 45 miles away which required that she leave before he left for school and their closest neighbor did not have a car. So, mother had a friend remove his stereo and his speakers while her son was in school. Of course, when the son came out of school, he immediately reported a theft. Mother had already informed local police of what she was doing. She told her son that he could earn back his stereo equipment with attendance and passing grades. Oh, he bought the stereo equipment with money he earned. I love creative parenting! Long story short, we have to recommit to parenting and using every bit of our resources so that all of our youth have an opportunity to transition into adulthood so that they can complain about the crappy ways their parents consequenced them.

An Open Letter to Tyler Perry

Dear Mr. Perry:

Thank you for your willingness to provide images of African Americans in our diversity and humor. Laughter is good, we forget that at times. Your contribution to film over the past 7-9 years has expanded America’s reality of who we are and provided so much needed relief during chaotic times. Your creative financing has provided many artists with an avenue for producing their craft in non-traditional avenues. The business of filmmaking by/for/about African Americans has your blueprint as a model for mass marketing. Thank you for charting that territory. In the era of social networking and the immediacy of pop culture, this is historic.
May I be as bold as to attempt to explain why there is great angst from many of my sistahs upon learning that you have required the film rights to Ntozake Shange’s choreopoem “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf”? My mother, a griot and arts educator, is really, well, challenged would be an understatement but really struggling with the very idea of “our choreopoem” being co-opted by ANYONE, let alone a pop culture icon such as yourself. No disrespect meant. It’s probably a generational and feminist thing too. See, when Zake gave us “For Colored Girls…” in 1975, she unleashed 7 spirits on stage that reflected the multiplicity of our identity. What happened on stage every night was intense and it was … colon cleansing. I know that image ain’t sexy but the revolution ain’t sexy and the challenges of our vey colored, very female collective lives is a tonic sometimes made for soothing and other times made for stripping and flushing away all that ills us.
“For Colored Girls…” is very much a female thing, it is how we speak unedited truths about who we are and how we got to be and most times that reality does not fit into a Hollywood tale. And as talented as you are, please know that when adapting our words, you too are an outsider listening in on sacred moments. Besides, when we speak truth to ourselves, we don’t need a translator. I think part of the fear is directly connected to one more thing that African American women may have to explain what was meant when “such and such” was said. We saw the made for television version in 1982. We were glad that many lesser known African American actresses and actors were employed and we were equally tepid about America’s perception of us bare. I mean the silence that follows several lines during the choreopoem on stage is impregnable and we’re kind of wondering how you in your maleness can give birth to that kind of silence in film?
I want you to understand that there are several generations of “colored girls” that learned how to verbally channel their energy through countless renditions of FOR REAL GROWN A** COLORED WOMEN executing monologues from “For Colored Girls…”. At 13, it was my Vagina Monologues. Celebrating all of me and mine that would inform, highlight and oftentimes mirror my journey to womanhood. Not to mention, I mastered the rhythm and cadence of delivering a salty word or two.
Remember, we are the rainbow and sometimes Hollywood only sees the pot of gold at the end of it.

Your slighlty older sistah,
Deniece

On Raising Boy: Things

He is 13 and does not have a cell phone or a television or computer in his room. Oh, the only game system he had was a Nintendo 64 which he and his friends played regularly when they were allowed in the house. He got a Play Station 2 this summer when the DVD player in the family room died. I think he has five games for it. He’s allowed to play it only on weekends. He does not have a private home line nor does he have a refrigerator in his room. He doesn’t have siblings either. He doesn’t have a BB gun (we live in the south, the for real south) and he doesn’t have a pocket knife. Wait, I think his grandfather gave him a Swiss Army thing-a-majig, does that count? He doesn’t have a tattoo or body piercing or earrings. He doesn’t have a lot of that stuff that society swears young people require.

I know, I know. I’ve already heard how we are denying him his childhood experiences to connect with his peers. As several very concerned people have pointed out, we can afford to buy those items for him. The funny thing is that “boy” remains well connected to his public and current on pop culture issues without any of those things.

He does have a bicycle, a ripstick, and an MP3 player. Oh, and Malynn insisted he have a mini pocket bike two years ago but it stays at his grandparents house in another state. There’s a motorcycle club two streets over from our house-enough said. He had a pogo stick, a skateboard, and rollerblades. He had a puppy and fish too- the first ran away and the latter flushed. He has a lawn mower to earn money but something about falling off a neighbor’s retaining wall and going to the emergency room has deterred him from using it. He has a room full of books and a library card as well, which he uses without prompting. He does have computer privileges at home. Yep, access is limited. Come on, he’s 13 and a raging hormone. What is he going to search??? Let him ogle the female teenage body during school hours like good old fashioned teen development.

And I think that’s my point. Just because we live in a society full of immediate gratification doesn’t mean that our parenting is dictated by those principles. It is more important to us that “boy” develop healthy socialization and critical thinking skills than how many things we can buy for him. No he didn’t get a Wii in December 2008 but in January 2009 he got to miss a couple days of school because our family went to D.C. for the inauguration of that Obama guy. Did he get the value of it? What do you think? He complained about how cold it was and how much walking he had to do and how people he didn’t know were invading his personal space on the Metro. The coolest thing to him was hanging out with his cousin that shares the same first name and seeing how very similar they are. We forced him to document the trip and create a PowerPoint slideshow for school. How lame. This summer his grandparents sent him to Space Camp. At that graduation ceremony, we witnessed his mastery of “anatomy and social networking” although his program track was robotics. He can’t wait to return next summer.

In years to come we believe that the value of his life experiences will far out weigh all of the things we did not buy for him. And if not, hopefully we will have resolved the health care issue and he can afford to see a therapist about it. Actually, if that’s the greatest childhood trauma he experiences, I’ll pay for the therapy.

Sell the Shadow for the Substance: On Developing a Youth Organizing Model

In the words of Sojourner Truth, “well chirren, where this is so much racket, there must be somethin out of kilter. Tween the negroes of the south and the white women of the north both talking bout they rights, the white man gonna be in a pretty bad fix and real soon”.

I’ve got competing voices in my head. One voice is saying ”youth led, youth voice” and the other voice is saying “youth-adult partnership” and I am in total agreement with both of them. Except something is missing. There has to be more than the sum-zero of these choices. And it is this space that I see us struggling to bring to the conversation. I keep returning to the language of Youth-Adult partnerships: conscious relationships, intergenerational equity, coaching, integral feedback. And as much as I believe there will be added value to our work when the adults and youth of our Youth Action teams commit to ongoing conversations around Youth-Adult partnership, I believe that it will continue to be a shadow conversation. Something is out kilter.

I get that we are organizing and supporting youth as change agents in their lives and in their communities. I know that we see the value of youth input and therefore use youth development strategies to help them think critically about issues that impact their lives. I agree that youth are our future and that an investment in them is ultimately about sustainability of social justice work and it is the right thing to do. I know we understand our civil rights history of young people as the frontline faces and voices of change. Still, something remains out of kilter.

What I hear from some youth is “our work is youth led and you keep making decisions about our work without consulting us” as it relates to grant applications and staffing. I understand the feelings of loss when youth have developed relationships with staff and they leave unexpectedly. I understand the importance of determining the direction of their work. This is where it gets murky. There are personnel issues, legal personnel issues, that prohibit us from discussing details of an employee termination. There are funding needs (the revolution is a beautiful machine and it needs MONEY to help it run) that require continuous fund development strategies, some are not always a direct path to the end cause. Why don’t we just say these things to young people?

No one wants to say it. No one wants to be the “grown folks in the room” because it ain’t sexy or cool. Except that the grown folks in the room have failed to acknowledge that this social justice organizing gig is also a business and as a business we exist within a system that requires some absolutes. Some of those absolutes don’t engage youth voice or participation. I know that eyes are rolling to the ceiling and whispers of “she really doesn’t get youth empowerment” are growing. Listen, grown folks, we start this awkward conversation by acknowledging what we bring to the table. It is our responsibility to clarify what roles we play in this model of community organizing. Not only have we failed to share this information, I believe we are afraid to share it. As though sharing what we contribute disempowers young people. Like one cancels out the other.

This liberation thing is our work too. We are in the room for a reason. When we fail to explain how business (nonprofits) functions, we negate the importance of workforce preparation. When we fail to identify the strength and talents adults bring to the work, we discount the mutual investment of both groups. When we choose not to share the challenges we face (i.e. getting meetings scheduled during out of school times, questioning when youth are not included in decision-making, pushing back when youth are relegated to the sole position of “spokeperson”), we are limiting young people’s access to information. One day they are going to be the “grown folks in the room”. And sometimes the information isn’t always what we want to hear nor does it come in the package that is comfortable. That’s are part of reality, why are afraid to speak truth unless it makes youth feel good? Oh that’s another blog. We need to help young people understand what adults do in this field of social justice organizing just as we celebrate the strength and talents of all young people. Just as we help them find their voice, we have to make it acceptable practice to recognize the adults in the room and claim the work as ours too. So often in our reflection, we only talk about what the youth have done to impact change. We do this because we want to celebrate them, we want to foster positive self esteem and because we believe inadvertently that “youth voice” means the adults are silent. I challenge us to share the functional/business aspect of our work with young people and to trust that they will help us sift through the substance and lead us where we need to go from there.

Enough said. I’m headed back to my porch.

Are you serious? My only choice is race and class, what about community?

I must confess I am a transplant from DC. I’ve lived in Nashville for 10 years and I still long for the community feeling of Eastern Market or Mount Pleasant some 20 years ago. I’ve been back and both of those communities have changed but in my mind there isn’t a Starbucks and for $20 I can buy fresh flowers, Ethiopian coffee beans, and a piece of jewelry, maybe even some Batik. Anyway, I didn’t buy a 105 year old house on “this side of the river” in a malnourished community (yes, malnourished applies to communities too) to be relegated to conversations solely about race and class. I bought this “money pit” to save money for the boy’s college tuition; to soothe my disappointment at my social justice income’s inability to purchase a shell of a brownstone in DC, let alone renovate it ; I bought over here because the front porch had a swing. Never mind it was raggedy and unsafe- it fed my sense of community building in the south. I had images of neighbors gathering with sweet tea (well, okay, with wine) and talking about projects like a community garden. Never mind someone stole the swing the first two weeks we were in the house. I bought this never ending renovation project because my sister’s voice “location, location, location” prompted me to research the urban development plan of this city and to decide how I wanted to be included in creating that vision. I bought this house because I refuse to commute 30-45 minutes to anywhere if I don’t live in a major metropolitan city- remind me to tell you about public transportation in this city! I bought in McFerrin Park because it wasn’t full of DINKS (dual income, no kids) and the streets were very wide. And now, several community leaders (official and non official) are attempting to hijack my love affair with this old a** house and all of its possibilities for race and class wars- are you serious? Listen, we replaced the swing immediately and dared whomever to steal it again and told the boy that we would replace it as many times as they stole it. I’ve got every tool I need to replace your limited and unenlightened conversations about who lives in this neighborhood and why. I build community everyday I walk out of my door and speak to my neighbors. I build community by creating opportunities for self-determination for a malnourished ‘hood. I build community by showing my African American male child that when and where we enter conversations will only be determined by our voice or our silence. And Audre Lorde said that “your silence will not save you”. I’m expanding the conversation from race and class to include community and I’m inviting some other voices to the table. You thought you were was sick and tired of me complaining about drywall and leveling floors, you ain’t seen sick and tired yet. My father’s initial career was in the Air Force and my mother’s was a Black Panther- watch how I blend the duality of my childhood and switch the conversation to include community.
Blackberry wine at 6pm. You know the porch.